Help for a Friend

[runswscissors]

My friend is leaving her abusive husband (I believe mostly verbal, not physical). She's 60, her husband is probably a tad older. He's a DRUNK! Drunk all the time, basically worthless, etc.

She knows he has a .22 pistol. She's been packing her things for several days and has been trying to look for it to take with her, but she can't find it.

Is there any legal way to have the police demand the firearm? I know it kinda falls under the "thought police" thing. But if she's concerned about it, I want to see what can be done for her.

Whatever comes of that "Habitual Drunkard" question on the firearms forms? She might not have enough proof to get a protection order, but she could certainly prove he's a drunk!

 

[Ab_Normal]

Best thing to do would be to have her get a .23(or larger) caliber pistol and have her learn how to use it. Relying on the .gov to protect you is a gamble with very bad odds.

 

[Winged Pig]

Who does the firearm belong too? That most likely (unless it was registered) would end up being a civil matter and the police should not get involved in it.

If it's not hers, and she doesn't get a protective order, then there really is not much the police can do about it at this time.

If she really thinks he is a danger to her or himself, then she should speak to someone about a protective order. On the other hand, if she is just trying to mess with him by taking his pistol, well, I will keep my opinion of that scenario to myself.

Having seen this situation more times then I would have cared to (from a police perspective) I can say that all too often one party or the other really doesn't want to go through with what they should do and just wants the police to be the bad guy. It's not fun to watch and usually ends up repeating itself at a later date.

My advice; and take it for what it's worth, tell her that if she is afraid on any level to go speak to a lawyer. On the other hand, if she just wants to leave, then stop waiting and get out now. I'm sure that you would be able to help her with either of those things.

Hope it works out.

Just my .02 cents.

 

[MDMOUNTAINEER]

Best thing to do would be to have her get a .23(or larger) caliber pistol and have her learn how to use it. Relying on the .gov to protect you is a gamble with very bad odds.

As far as the "Habitual Drinkard" there are specific criteria that need to be met IIRC.

 

[Maverick0313]

She needs to get a lawyer, file for protection, state the threat (especially if he HAS threatened her)....get it on record at least. Ploice can come and escort her out of the residence for safety purposes.....I'm no lawyer but she really needs to document this regardless of how effective it may seem.

 

[Topher]

In MD if there is a restraining order or a claim of domestic violence the police can come and take all firearms is what I have been told by a police officer.

Not sure what VA law is. I agree... get a lawyer and have the police escort her out of the house.

 

[runswscissors]

I will talk with her later today about whether she feels SHE is in danger. She has mentioned specifically that she's worried what he would do with the pistol (but it might have just meant she thought it might off himself).

She still loves him. She left twice before and ended up coming back because of family emergencies. This is the "final" time. She has a place in Towson she's moving to and a good network of friends to help her out and make sure she doesn't go back. She isn't doing this to mess with him. She wants him better. From what I understand, he's a good guy, but when he drinks, he gets bad.

I'll talk to her about getting a protective order.

Edit: She is moving tomorrow. Friends are helping so she shouldn't be too concerned about her safety.

 

[MDFF2008]

She knows he has a .22 pistol. She's been packing her things for several days and has been trying to look for it to take with her, but she can't find it.

Do not take the gun. That would be stealing a regulated firearm. Now I know it's the right thing to do, but in the People's Republic of Maryland, where criminals come first, he could have her arrested for stealing his gun.

Is there any legal way to have the police demand the firearm? I know it kinda falls under the "thought police" thing. But if she's concerned about it, I want to see what can be done for her.

Get a restraining order with a lawyer. It's not really the thought police. If he's beat her before, that to me is a clear and present danger and can warrant loss of his right to own guns.

Whatever comes of that "Habitual Drunkard" question on the firearms forms? She might not have enough proof to get a protection order, but she could certainly prove he's a drunk!

In Maryland there is a restraining order and a peace order. The first one requires proof that he beat her (I hope she went to a doctor when she ran away or talked to someone) the second one does not.

She has a place in -Nowhere- she's moving to and a good network of friends to help her out and make sure she doesn't go back.

Try not to mention where she is moving to. Have everyone treat it like witness protection.

She should change as much about herself as possible. Def try different routines, etc. Abusive men often are stalkers as well. They try to stalk the woman and always be there, until she starts to think she can't get away from him, so she might as well go back.

I suggest that the number of people who know where she actually lives is kept to a minimum.

She still loves him. She left twice before and ended up coming back because of family emergencies. This is the "final" time.

It's rarely the final time if she still loves him. You can try, but I fear she will go back. It's a cycle. Women fall in love, think they can change the guy, and these men take advantage of them. Then women get abused, leave, then the guy does a poor pitiful me and the girl comes back. You have to convince her that she can't change his drinking, no matter how hard she tries. He needs professional help for that.


I pray that your friend is not going to be one of those, but I've seen it all to much.

Maybe you could loan her a gun until she could get one of her own.

I think men who abuse women should be castrated and then drawn and quartered.

prayers are with you and her, your going a good thing for her.

 

[13mogul]

Steal the gun, throw it in the bay, call friends to help move and move on with her life. Involving the authorities will exacerbate the situation and while its the "legal" route to take, might even endanger her more. Restraining orders don't work.

 

[runswscissors]

I'm not sure if he's actually PHYSICALLY hurt her. Verbal and Mental abuse has certainly been done though.

I am confident that she won't go back again. This was actually her third marrage. So she knows how to leave a husband! Friends are helping her pack/move. I have a feeling it's probably too late to keep a lid on where she's moving (although I don't know exactly where, so maybe she has kept it pretty quiet).

She's also been attending some sort of "Family of Alcoholics" meetings once or twice a week and she said they've helped TREMENDOUSLY! Which is good. She's a co-worker and my company is a pretty young company. She's like a mother to all of us. We'll take good care of her. I just took on the "pistol" question to help her out.

Thanks for the help. As for the pistol, she'll probably just leave it be. If she didn't find it several days ago when she went looking for it, it's a good chance the pistol's just plain gone! If so, problem solved!

 

[fivepointstar]

Steal the gun, throw it in the bay, call friends to help move and move on with her life. Involving the authorities will exacerbate the situation and while its the "legal" route to take, might even endanger her more. Restraining orders don't work.

no need to steal the gun...its marital property. all the guns I own my wife owns them too, this includes my car and my porn collection (she can't take that and burn them)

 

[HardHatMan]

My friend is leaving her abusive husband (I believe mostly verbal, not physical). She's 60, her husband is probably a tad older. He's a DRUNK! Drunk all the time, basically worthless, etc.

She knows he has a .22 pistol. She's been packing her things for several days and has been trying to look for it to take with her, but she can't find it.

Is there any legal way to have the police demand the firearm? I know it kinda falls under the "thought police" thing. But if she's concerned about it, I want to see what can be done for her.

Whatever comes of that "Habitual Drunkard" question on the firearms forms? She might not have enough proof to get a protection order, but she could certainly prove he's a drunk!

My thoughts a prayers go out to your friend. Just because he's only been verbally and mentally abusive to her, does not mean that it won't or can't turn to physical abuse. This guy sounds like a class act who deserves a Louisville Slugger to the face. I can't stand abuse against women.

 

[gibby]

The habitual drunkard involves three convictions involving alcohol. I seem to remember that off of the top. At Continental we have a thing on the counter so people can figure out what some of the Fed 4473 and State 77R forms mean.

 

[Boxcab]

Her taking the gun would set up the situation where He can claim that He is afraid for His life because she took the gun. She can look like the bad person because of it. A good Lawyer can put together any verity of scenarios around the gun.

Don't tell him where she is going, get a new cell phone that he will not have the number of, forward her mail to a PO box (not at her new location), provide him with a third party as the only way to get in touch with her. This will avoid the ability to talk her into returning to him. She needs to cancel any Face Book, Twitter,email accounts she has. Get her off the grid. She should start fresh with everything, cutting all ties, or she will be right back in the middle of it.

Good luck,

Boxcab