CCW handgun for the (soon-to-be) wife

So long story short, I'm getting married in September and I'll be moving to a carry-friendly state. Not sure which one yet, but wherever we end up, both open and concealed carry will be options. I already have enough guns to choose from for either OC or CC, but she doesn't have any.

Backstory on her, she's shot guns since she was a kid, but only long guns. She's gotten into handgun shooting in the last year with me and plans to carry (legally of course) after we get married. She's not particularly recoil sensitive, but may be seeing the earliest stages of arthritis so soft shooting is a plus but not an absolute requirement. She's pretty small framed and like most women doesn't wear baggy clothing. So unlike me, CCW necessitates a pretty small gun and she doesn't want to start out OCing.

So here are my main dilemmas:

1.) Semi auto or revolver?
This issue is due to reliability, capacity, and caliber. Revolvers are more reliable but max out around 5-6 rounds for carry pieces and extra mags are easier to carry than speedloaders. I like the extra power of a 38 Spl, but 9mm universally is accepted as sufficient. As far as reliability, I like the inherent simplicity of a revolver, but a quality semi auto should be fine I suppose.

2.) If a semi auto, 380ACP or 9mm?
In 380s we see guns like the Ruger LCP II which is probably my #1 if we go this route. It's tiny and seems like a good fit EXCEPT for the caliber. Would you trust your wife's life to a 380? In 9mm there are more options, but they're bigger and sometimes more expensive. I've looked at the Taurus PT 709, Ruger LC9, Beretta Nano, several S&W guns, and a lot of others. It's hard to dial in to exactly what has the best combination of reliability, shootability, and is still affordable. And since she's new to this stuff she's not a lot of help.

3.) If a revolver, 38 Spl or 357 Mag?
From a snubby, the recoil and blast of a full house load seems pretty extreme. Considering the potential need for follow up shots, that seems bad. I'm inclined to say the shorter cylinder and lower recoil/blast of a 38 Spl make more sense.

So, MDS brain trust: what say you? Anyone here bought a gun for a woman in their life with similar requirements? If so, what did you get and how do they like it? Even better, any women care to chime in?

HordesOfKailas said:

So long story short, I'm getting married in September and I'll be moving to a carry-friendly state. Not sure which one yet, but wherever we end up, both open and concealed carry will be options. I already have enough guns to choose from for either OC or CC, but she doesn't have any.

Backstory on her, she's shot guns since she was a kid, but only long guns. She's gotten into handgun shooting in the last year with me and plans to carry (legally of course) after we get married. She's not particularly recoil sensitive, but may be seeing the earliest stages of arthritis so soft shooting is a plus but not an absolute requirement. She's pretty small framed and like most women doesn't wear baggy clothing. So unlike me, CCW necessitates a pretty small gun and she doesn't want to start out OCing.

So here are my main dilemmas:

1.) Semi auto or revolver?
This issue is due to reliability, capacity, and caliber. Revolvers are more reliable but max out around 5-6 rounds for carry pieces and extra mags are easier to carry than speedloaders. I like the extra power of a 38 Spl, but 9mm universally is accepted as sufficient. As far as reliability, I like the inherent simplicity of a revolver, but a quality semi auto should be fine I suppose.

2.) If a semi auto, 380ACP or 9mm?
In 380s we see guns like the Ruger LCP II which is probably my #1 if we go this route. It's tiny and seems like a good fit EXCEPT for the caliber. Would you trust your wife's life to a 380? In 9mm there are more options, but they're bigger and sometimes more expensive. I've looked at the Taurus PT 709, Ruger LC9, Beretta Nano, several S&W guns, and a lot of others. It's hard to dial in to exactly what has the best combination of reliability, shootability, and is still affordable. And since she's new to this stuff she's not a lot of help.

3.) If a revolver, 38 Spl or 357 Mag?
From a snubby, the recoil and blast of a full house load seems pretty extreme. Considering the potential need for follow up shots, that seems bad. I'm inclined to say the shorter cylinder and lower recoil/blast of a 38 Spl make more sense.

So, MDS brain trust: what say you? Anyone here bought a gun for a woman in their life with similar requirements? If so, what did you get and how do they like it?

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1. Semis are more reliable and you can actually clear malfunctions unlike a revolver which transforms into a paperweight.

2. Semis are slimmer and easier to reload.

3. 9mm is more powerful than 38 Special

4. 380 is roughly equivalent to 38

5. If buying a revolver in snubby go .357 and steel.
Load .38s for practice and 38 +p's for carry. Avoid .357 you just want the slightly longer and heavier cylinder.

For a new shooter in the area of LCP size guns, I'd stick with 380. 9mm will be harder to handle for someone inexperienced. Buy a Glock 42 but have her look at the 43 as well.

mopar92 said:

1. Semis are more reliable and you can actually clear malfunctions unlike a revolver which transforms into a paperweight.

2. Semis are slimmer and easier to reload.

3. 9mm is more powerful than 38 Special

4. 380 is roughly equivalent to 38

5. If buying a revolver in snubby go .357 and steel.
Load .38s for practice and 38 +p's for carry. Avoid .357 you just want the slightly longer and heavier cylinder.

For a new shooter in the area of LCP size guns, I'd stick with 380. 9mm will be harder to handle for someone inexperienced. Buy a Glock 42 but have her look at the 43 as well.

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So you'd go for a Glock 42 over a Ruger LCP II?

I can offer only two items:

1. My wife can't pull the slide back on any of my 9mm. Can your "soon-to-be" down-load her carry gun if need be?
2. The 357 mags will shoot 38spl. However, they do tend to be bigger than the 38spl revolvers. You might want to check the Kimber K6.

HordesOfKailas said:

So you'd go for a Glock 42 over a Ruger LCP II?

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Me personally? Yes. But I'd go for the 43 over the 42 and I carry a G17 so yeah. My preferences are based off my experiences and body/training style.


I'm also very heavily invested in Glocks so I'm biased.

Don't buy a gun off what some dude on the internetz says.

whistlersmother said:

I can offer only two items:

1. My wife can't pull the slide back on any of my 9mm. Can your "soon-to-be" down-load her carry gun if need be?
2. The 357 mags will shoot 38spl. However, they do tend to be bigger than the 38spl revolvers. You might want to check the Kimber K6.

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I know about #2, just was thinking that on a small framed person that the reduction in size, however minimal, would be worth it. As for #1, good question. She is fine with my Bersa Thunder 380, but can't do it on my CZ P01. She hates the slide on that gun. Only other semi auto is my G29 and that baby is mine haha.

mopar92 said:

Me personally? Yes. But I'd go for the 43 over the 42 and I carry a G17 so yeah. My preferences are based off my experiences and body/training style.


I'm also very heavily invested in Glocks so I'm biased.

Don't buy a gun off what some dude on the internetz says.

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Haha of course. But I do like you guys. Honesty goes a long way with me. I'll be spending some time comparing the two. Thanks mopar!

357 out of a snubby is just a novelty. you don't hit anything reliably, follow up shots take too long, and now you're deaf. all-steel 357 revolvers are too heavy to be carried by most people without being a nuisance. there is a reason the S&W 642 is the standard for carry when a full size gun is not an option. it is light enough to not be a nuisance, and shoots the most powerful loads you'll actually be able to hit anything with. Semi auto guns are not reliable with a wide variety of ammo. they generally want stout rounds. you can load as light of a load as you need in a 642 and it won't care. Most women I know cannot operate the slide on a semi auto. And they require better shooting skills to not make them malfunction.

if you get a used revolver, loctite in the ejector rod threads and you won't have jam issues.

My best friend lives in a carry-friendly state and likes to wear tighter clothing.

She has both a Bersa Thunder in .380 and a Smith & Wesson 442 in .38; she prefers to carry the S&W and has settled on a belly band.

HordesOfKailas said:

I know about #2, just was thinking that on a small framed person that the reduction in size, however minimal, would be worth it. As for #1, good question. She is fine with my Bersa Thunder 380, but can't do it on my CZ P01. She hates the slide on that gun. Only other semi auto is my G29 and that baby is mine haha.

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If she cannot operate the slide on a typical semi auto, Berretta makes a series of pistols with a tip up barrel, so you never have to rack the slide.

The 3032 Tomcat is a good choice in these pistols. You just need to get past the bias people have for .32.

Leeann said:

My best friend lives in a carry-friendly state and likes to wear tighter clothing.

She has both a Bersa Thunder in .380 and a Smith & Wesson 442 in .38; she prefers to carry the S&W and has settled on a belly band.

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I don't think I'd let her carry my Bersa. Since it's blowback and not locked breech, limp wristing or an awkward stance could cause a FTF.

But the 442, there's an idea. Under $400 and lightweight. If I can get her to ok the idea of a revolver, we may have a winner.

Anyone have opinions on the S&W 442 vs say a Ruger LCRx in 38 Spl.

that's all personal preference there. the S&W is classy. The Ruger has softer recoil with the polymer frame. the S&W comes with grips that are easy to carry with. the ruger comes with grips that are easy to shoot with. If you're between these two, just let her pick out what she likes. grips can be replaced.

the 442 and 642 are my two favorite tiny carry guns.
I had a female friend pick out an LCR 38 just a month ago. she likes it. either way, you have made a good choice.

In looking at BBTI, I realized mopar is dead on. 38 Spl for a 1.875" barrel is barely 380ACP level. Don't like that so much.

The Ruger LC9s with the Hi-Viz fiber optic sights looks like an option. And the optional extended 9 round mag is nice bonus. Seems like holster support is there too. Thoughts? Not sure how I feel about the mag disconnect but it's probably not a big deal.

you might want to take her to a gun store that has a range, so you can try some guns out. arthritis can be really keep you from manipulating a slide on a semi auto. more FPE doesn't help you if you only get off one shot or the slide beats you. that's why i said a revolver is a good thing to have. none of that matters with a revolver. a decent 38 spl+p round like a speer gold dot will paint the walls with someone's internals. don't underestimate them.

chipd said:

you might want to take her to a gun store that has a range, so you can try some guns out. arthritis can be really keep you from manipulating a slide on a semi auto. more FPE doesn't help you if you only get off one shot or the slide beats you. that's why i said a revolver is a good thing to have. none of that matters with a revolver. a decent 38 spl+p round like a speer gold dot will paint the walls with someone's internals. don't underestimate them.

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Haha I love the imagery. But yes you're correct. Before dropping the cash on anything I'll be sure to find a way for her to get her hands on it. I'm really not worried about the recoil as she can manages my 10mm reasonably well. It's really the slide racking I'm concerned about. We shall see how she feels. At the end of the day, I want her to carry it daily. I'd rather she be undergunned than ungunned.

as long as she understands that she isn't carrying a gun to defend strangers against gangs, and she should always try to retreat.. i.e. she isn't a cop.. she shouldn't be undergunned with 5 speer gold dot 38+p rounds. i haven't met anyone that wouldn't duck and run if you light one of those off. nor someone that would take more than 2 rounds before they are approaching rigor mortis

chipd said:

as long as she understands that she isn't carrying a gun to defend strangers against gangs, and she should always try to retreat.. i.e. she isn't a cop.. she shouldn't be undergunned with 5 speer gold dot 38+p rounds

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She knows that but criminals are predatory and inherently cowardly. That means you don't get a fair fight. Confronted with 2 or 3 attackers, 5 rounds is suddenly not so great. The option of an extended mag or at least 1 or 2 extra over a revolver can't be understated. Of course, just my humble opinion.

when i stray into gang territory, i bring a full size auto or 2 revolvers. a full size auto or 2 revolvers requires appropriate wardrobe choices. i honestly don't think anyone can responsibly carry on all occasions with just one choice in carry gun. if she is with you, she should never feel undergunned with a s&w 442, unless you like to bar crawl in the city. However.. i have many different choices to pick from. you may as well. she may need the same. you may share guns with your wife, if she has a HQL, legally. if you can't find a gun to give to her, buy her a couple to cover her bases. and let her make the final decisions, if you want a happy marriage. a CZ and S&W this year is only 1 grand. that's pennies in a marriage.

HordesOfKailas said:

She knows that but criminals are predatory and inherently cowardly. That means you don't get a fair fight. Confronted with 2 or 3 attackers, 5 rounds is suddenly not so great. The option of an extended mag or at least 1 or 2 extra over a revolver can't be understated. Of course, just my humble opinion.

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Just how well do you think your Soon to Be will do mag swapping in a high stress situation? IMO, unless she's very well trained, she, and most people will do very poorly. And, she may be developing arthritis? I'd stick with a S&W 442 or 642 and keep it simple. S&W also makes, or made, a light weight J Fame for .357. I owned one but don't remember the model number. It was NO FUN to shoot. She'd be lucky to get off a 2nd round.

i never recommend a 357 snubnose. that is just a novelty. you don't hit anything, you just make everyone close to you deaf, shoot a big fireball, and then can't set off another shot in 3 seconds. 135gr speer 38spl+p gold dots are devastating, don't deafen you, and have quick follow up times. ammo matters with a j frame. but, you can load easy loads if arthritis is an issue. the 38 special / +p round is the most versatile round for handguns.

chipd said:

when i stray into gang territory, i bring a full size auto or 2 revolvers. a full size auto or 2 revolvers requires appropriate wardrobe choices. i honestly don't think anyone can responsibly carry on all occasions with just one choice in carry gun. if she is with you, she should never feel undergunned with a s&w 442, unless you like to bar crawl in the city. However.. i have many different choices to pick from. you may as well. she may need the same. you may share guns with your wife, if she has a HQL, legally. if you can't find a gun to give to her, buy her a couple to cover her bases. and let her make the final decisions, if you want a happy marriage. a CZ and S&W this year is only 1 grand. that's pennies in a marriage.

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I don't know where you live, but I had 4 people surround me outside of a liquor store at a strip mall in broad daylight in PG county. Since it's MD I wasn't carrying but I pulled two knives and luckily they decided I wasn't worth the hassle. But I'm large, bearded, and have crazy eyes. I don't know she'd cause them to second guess themselves quite as much. Gang territory is a fallacy. Danger lurks everywhere.

We'll see what she takes to when she gets her hands on the guns in person.

rico903 said:

Just how well do you think your Soon to Be will do mag swapping in a high stress situation? IMO, unless she's very well trained, she, and most people will do very poorly. And, she may be developing arthritis? I'd stick with a S&W 442 or 642 and keep it simple. S&W also makes, or made, a light weight J Fame for .357. I owned one but don't remember the model number. It was NO FUN to shoot. She'd be lucky to get off a 2nd round.

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Hopefully the higher capacity would negate the need for a mag swap. I don't know about you, but I'd take 8 rounds of 9mm over 5 of 38 Spl out of a snubby any day. If the gun didn't jam and a mag swap wasn't necessary than she'd never need to rack the slide. From what I've read and watched, the LCP II and LC9s are pretty easy to rack so I'm not extremely worried.